September 5, 2001
Have you noticed how quiet it is in the morning between the
hours of 6:30 and 8:30? So peaceful in
the morning. So quiet. Enjoy it while you can because the quiet time
is almost over. Already mothers are at
the mall getting ready for the big day.
It’s BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING: Clothes, shoes, notebooks, pens, school bags and computer
supplies. School vacation is over and
now it’s time to get the kids ready for a successful school year.
September brings the return of ragweed pollution to irritate
the nose. And “back to school” brings a
different kind of pollution. It’s a
kind of verbal pollution caused by the overuse of questions and reminders
before school that irritate the brain of the unfortunate kids in the family.
Parents are now in the process of warming up their verbal
reminders to their kids: practicing
their best “remember to,” “don’t forget to” and their favorite “did you?” This is an anxious time for parents because
the ideal reminding strategy is so vague.
Some authorities say you should start reminding your kids
about school responsibilities in August so September won’t be such a
shock. Other authorities say you should
wait until the night before school starts and then begin with the checklist and
all the reminders.
Some others say wait until the morning of the first day of
school and hit the kids cold-turkey for the best effect. It’s so hard to know. Should you start with a “don’t forget to” or
a “did you?”
On the first day of school Mom starts the morning with her
first “time to get up” at 6:45 sharp.
She then follows with “it’s getting late,” “it’s almost 6:49.” And
then she gives time warnings every five minutes.
Then we shift to getting dressed. Mom is buttoning and zipping with both hands trying to get the
kids ready for the school bus. Now to breakfast with Mom’s insight about
nutrition, health and of course, manners.
Now to the grooming checklist.
“Did you” and “be sure to” are
filling the room.
Next is the school backpacks. Mom has packed them all and checked them four times. Unfortunately, the kids don’t have a clue
about what’s inside.
Mom is so good at giving reminders that she doesn’t have to
think about them. She can’t hear what
she’s saying. And the kids don’t hear
what she’s saying either. So much
talking but so little listening.
As the kids get ready to head to the bus stop Mom gives one
final double-check. She sends out a “Be
sure to” “don’t forget to” and maybe one more “remember to.”
Just before the kids enter the school bus Mom makes her last
call: “And don’t forget to have a good
day.” Unfortunately, Mom doesn’t notice that the kids have their fingers in
their ears and a glazed look on their faces
From a child’s point of view think of how it must feel for
two hours every morning listening to verbal pollution. Think about the message all those reminders
send to your child about responsibility.
“Did you?” says I don’t trust you with this responsibility so I will
take the responsibility. “I hope” says
I trust you to take the responsibility..
It’s so easy to take responsibility for our children. But it’s so hurtful for kids to be deprived
of the opportunity to take responsibility for their lives. In order to develop trust, self-respect and
to value themselves, kids must have the
opportunity to make decisions for themselves and to accept the consequences of
their failure and their success.
1. CLOCK
RADIO: Have your kids use an alarm
clock or clock radio so they can get out of bed and begin their day without
reminders from adults.
2. CLOTHES: Decide with the kids which clothes will be
acceptable for school. Have the kids
put their school-approved clothes in a separate drawer so you don’t have a
“clothes debate” every morning. Allow
them to get dressed without adult
supervision. Let the kids choose their
own outfit each morning.
3. BEFORE
SCHOOL REMINDER LISTS: Have each child
make one “before school reminder list” for each school day of the week. The child lists what must be done at home
before he leaves for school on that day.
He also makes a list of what he must put in his school backpack on that
day. Post the “reminder lists” on the
wall. The child packs the back
pack! Instead of verbally reminding in
the morning, Mom can quietly point to the child’s “before school reminder
list.”
4. STOP WITH
THE QUESTIONS! USE THE “I HOPE”
PHRASE—“I hope you have everything in your backpack.”
To encourage decision-making in the child, the parent’s job
is to demonstrate trust in the child’s ability to take responsibility. And then she can cross her fingers, close
her eyes and hope the child does take that responsibility.
A final message of encouragement might be: “I hope you have checked your “before school
reminder list. Now have a great
day!” AND THEN GIVE A QUIET, CARING, WARM
HUG.
And when the kids return home from school, forget about the
reminders or questions like: “Did you
remember…?” or “What did you do in school today?”
Just give a caring, welcoming statement: “So nice to see you. I really missed you.” AND THEN GIVE A QUIET, CARING, WARM HUG.