January 4, 1999

Recently my son, Kevin, and I were working on a computer document together when I noticed he had signed the document "The seldom- mentioned third prince." And I guess it’s true that his older brothers have gotten a lot more print in my columns. But I’m not so sure that Kevin has received less attention at home. Kevin came into our family after we had worked out many of our family issues thru Ross and Brian. By the time Kevin was born, my wife and I had pretty much settled on our basic family values. We had worked out issues of responsibility, privileges, communication and general family rules.

When Kevin came into our family Gina and I didn’t have to go to the textbooks to find out what parenting techniques needed to be used. We had the experience with Ross and Brian to help us with our parenting.

Gina and I never officially talked about allowing Kevin a lot more space to develop. But that certainly happened. With our older boys we planned and discussed strategies constantly. Like all young parents we learned thru trial and error. With Kevin we didn’t need the discussions and experimentation. I really think that Kevin learned much more about growing up from his brothers than from us. It always amazes me when I think of how little conscious effort Gina and I put into parenting Kevin and the talent and the character that resulted from that.

Kevin was a kid who had talent in many areas. He was a very talented baseball player and did very well in the Beverly Little League. He was a very consistent hitter so he got on base a lot. I remember watching him hit a line drive over the infield and stop at first base and chit-chat with the first baseman. Then when he would get to second base he would be laughing with the second baseman. Then on to third base and a friendly joke with the third baseman. Kevin enjoyed getting a hit but he seemed to enjoy the friendships he made thru baseball a lot more.

His first year as a 10 year old in the baseball major league he was on a championship team. He fit right into the starting lineup playing third base. I remember as his team got ready for the city championships the catcher on his team broke a finger and was out for the year. Kevin shocked me when he told me that he would be the catcher in the play-offs. He had no experience as a catcher. But he took over as the catcher and played like he had been catching all his life. Kevin always had great confidence and poise under pressure.

Kevin was also very successful in school. When it was time for his 6th grade graduation his principal called Gina and me and told us to be sure to attend the graduation ceremony. When it was time to deliver the awards for the class, Kevin received the first award as the "best student." The principal told him to stay on stage while he received 5 more awards. I can remember "best friend," "most likely to succeed" and "most helpful."

As Kevin moved into high school and college he became more of a scholar in school. He began to focus more on learning and knowledge rather than getting top grades. Kevin now has a very scholarly mind with a lot of depth and a lot of wisdom. And although he is very quiet and soft-spoken he has a lot of strength. Kevin showed that strength battling thru a major medical issue.

I really admire Kevin’s balance in life between work and play. When I worked in the schools I had two pictures of Kevin on my wall. One picture showed him receiving an award at work as "worker of the month." And the other picture showed him with his rock band.

My wife told me a nice story about Kevin. When he was a student at the University of New Hampshire he was lifting weights and developed a lot of muscle and bulk. While he was on college break he was helping Gina in her 5th grade classroom at the Cove school. A short, skinny 5th grade boy was awed by Kevin’s size and asked Kevin how big he was when he was in the 5th grade. Kevin smiled and said, "When I was in the 5th grade I was just about as big as you." Gina said that the 5th grade boy smiled for about 6 weeks.

Well, Kevin certainly developed into a quality person with many talents. And he did this with very little conscious parenting from us. Ross and Brian have also developed into quality people with many talents. But Gina and I worked so hard to encourage this. I have often thought that Gina and I could have saved ourselves so much worry and heartache by raising Ross and Brian just like we did Kevin. But unfortunately, you learn your real parenting skills from experience and not from textbooks.