January, 1998

I have had some experience with taking my boys for their doctor’s appointments. I remember my first time waiting in the office as the receptionist called the name of the next child. The mother of the child walked to the receptionist and answered the same old questions. "What is his name? What is his address? Telephone? Date of birth? Health Insurance? Health Insurance number? And Co-pay fee?" As mother answered all the questions and the child waited passively I wondered how the child felt. The child seemed accustomed to this routine so seemed to accept his passive role. I felt uncomfortable about the role of the child in the doctor’s office so I decided to do something about our next appointment

My son, Brian, was seven or eight at the time and he was next on the list for a doctor’s appointment. I talked with him about taking a more active role in his appointment and we began to prepare for his next visit. Brian knew the answer to most of the questions asked in the doctor’s office. But on the day of Brian’s appointment I gave him the Health Insurance card and $5.00 for his co-pay fee. We went over the procedure in the doctor’s office and he seemed enthusiastic about taking charge of his visit.

As we waited in the doctor’s office we watched while each child’s name would be called and the parent would talk with the receptionist and give the answers to the same old questions while the child stood passively by.

Finally, the receptionist called Brian’s name. Brian knew the plan so he was not surprised when I remained in my chair reading a magazine. Brian walked alone to the receptionist who seemed uncomfortable looking for an adult to talk with. With no one else to provide the same old information the receptionist had to look right at Brian and ask him the same old questions.

Brian was great. He had the poise. He had the eye contact and he had the assertive voice. As Brian gave her his name, address, phone number and date of birth people in the office began to take notice. And when Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out the Health Insurance card people began to stare. Brian topped of the performance by informing the receptionist that the co-pay was $5.00 and handed her the five-dollar bill. He then told her he would like a receipt for the money. Brian knew he had just done something special.

How do you think the adults felt watching Brian? How do you think the other kids felt watching Brian taking responsibility? How do you think Brian felt after he completed the information? I know how I felt watching Brian. I felt so proud of him.

Another responsibility issue in our family arose when our Teacher’s Association negotiated an agreement in our contract that allowed us to take one "personal day" each year without having to give a reason why we would not be at work. On our absence form we just stated that we were taking our "personal day." I thought this "personal day" was great. I remember telling my family how much the day meant to me because it showed trust and respect in our working relationship at school.

Later, my oldest boy, Ross said he wanted to see me about an issue. Ross, by the way, was the self-appointed Union Representative for our three boys. Ross was always very sensitive about issues of fairness and justice. Ross went over the issue of my "personal day" at work and how I had stated that this issue reflected trust and respect and would encourage personal responsibility within our school staff.

Ross asked me if I was interested in encouraging trust, respect and personal responsibility with his Union of three boys. I told him I was always looking for strategies to develop these characteristics. His proposal was very simple. He wanted one "personal day" during the school year when the boys could stay home from school and not have to give us a reason. Gina and I thought about it and decided it was a great idea and added a "personal day" to their contract.

The boys didn’t always use their " personal day" because they enjoyed school. But on the days when they were moaning and groaning in the morning about having to go to school I would tell them to take their " personal day." and stay home. That would usually stop the groaning and then they would tell me that they didn’t want to use their "personal day" today. They said they were saving that "personal day" for something special.