October 1998

Do you remember Gerald Andrew and Rocky? Gerald Andrew Johnstone III is an only child and an only grandchild. He is so special that his parents make sure he is very well protected. He has never been dirty. He has never been wet. He has never been exposed to germs or to any type of stress. Gerald has never, ever sweated. Poor Gerald has never heard the magic words "wait" or "share" or "no." No one has every told Gerald to "go for it."

But Gerald’s uncle has put some pressure on mom to get Gerald on a swing.

Mom thinks it’s too scary. After all, Gerald is only 6 years old. But Uncle says all the other kids have been on a swing so mom reluctantly agrees to get Gerald on the swing tomorrow. Mom is not happy about this idea and Gerald is petrified.

Just to be on the safe side mom prepares Gerald for any possible emergency. First, with the helmet. Then the elbow pads and the knee pads. Of course, a seat belt. Now with the mattress under the seat just in case. And a call into 911 just to have some back- up. I guess we are as ready as we will ever be.

Mom asks Gerald if he is ready. Gerald is so tense he can’t speak. His mouth is dry and his heart is racing. Gerald’s eyes are closed and his hands are frozen to the ropes. Mom puts her hands on Gerald’s shoulders but she can’t seem to push. Mom closes her eyes and gives a tentative push. The swing moves only l5 inches but that’s enough. The ordeal is over. Gerald is unbuckled and taken into the house for a medical evaluation by mother. And thank heaven we think Gerald is going to be OK. But is he going to be OK?

Rocky is also an only child. But his parents are just too busy for him. So Rocky takes care of himself. Rocky is also 6 years old. But he acts tough. He likes to hang out with the older kids on the street. He thinks the kids in his first -grade class are babies. His first ride on a swing is very different from Gerald’s.

Rocky is hanging out with the older kids out in the woods where there are no adults around. And the older kids are trying out a swing they just made. One of the older kids grabs Rocky and puts him on the swing. Rocky is pulled back as far as possible. Then he is pushed as high and as far as the swing will go.

Rocky is scared. His mouth is dry and his heart is racing too. Just like Gerald. But Rocky can’t show it because he wants the older kids to think he is tough. So Rocky holds on and pretends to enjoy his ride. Rocky says he is OK. But is he?

Gerald hated his first ride on the swing because he had been over protected all his 6 years and was not prepared for taking risks. Rocky hated his first swing ride also. Rocky had been under protected for all his 6 years and pushed into scary activities suited to older kids.

The first swing ride for these two boys almost seems to set the tone of their attitude towards life. Gerald gets too much "watch out." And he becomes overly cautious. He misses so much of the fun and the adventure in life.

Rocky get too much "go for it." He is pushed beyond his limits and is put under pressure to compete in a league that is much too fast for him. Rocky develops a tough exterior but inside he gets tired and scared trying to keep up with the older kids.

Well, what’s a parent to do? Well, my grandson, Kyle, is now 3 years old. He is very verbal and when he wants to ride on his swing he tells me exactly how to push. He tells me when it is too low. And he tells me when it is too high. I listen to him and we try to get it just right for him.

Effective parents listen to their kids and develop the wisdom to know when an experience is too much for their child. This is the time for them to be cautious and to" watch out." Effective parents also develop the wisdom to know when they need to encourage their children to take a risk and "go for it."