SURVIVAL: SOMETIMES IT HURTS TO SURVIVE

George McGurn

September 15, 1999

My wife, Gina, and I recently spent some time in Bermuda. The island is beautiful. And the flowers are so striking. But the sun is very, very hot. And that hot sun reminded me about what the plants have to do in a hostile environment in order to survive. In areas where the sun is very hot the grass has a different texture than ours. Their grass is thicker and rougher to the touch. It doesn't have that smooth texture that we are used to in the Northeast. The people in Bermuda know that planting New England grass seed in Bermuda would not work. The hot sun would burn the tender grass.

I have worked with kids whose skin seemed to be like that Bermuda grass. It was thick and rough to the touch. But I guess that is the kind of skin they needed for protection.

In an environment with extreme conditions the animals also seem a little strange. In the desserts of Australia and Africa we can see some very unusual looking creatures. In the extremes of the Arctic we also see very strange creatures.

It's no secret. In order to survive in a hostile environment plants and animals have to adapt or perish. And that adaptation under severe pressure causes major stress on the plants and animals to survive. Many times this severe pressure causes the plants and animals to act and look a little crazy.

I guess kids and even adults react in this crazy way if they also live in a very hostile environment. When I worked in the schools I was always surrounded by hundreds of kids. They came in all different shapes and sizes. But some of these kids looked very different. They seemed to stand out in some strange way. When you walked into the school cafeteria your eyes would be drawn to that person who looked so different.

I remember poor Debby from one of our schools. It was hard not to notice her and then feel sorry for her. She was very overweight. And she wore such outlandish clothes that your eyes couldn't miss her in a crowd. And all that perfume. Your nose could tell who was coming down the corridor even before you saw her. Then there was her chronic cough. Your ear picked up her familiar sound very easily. And that loud laugh. You knew it was Debby. She also began wearing long white boots with clunky heels that made a distinctive Debby sound as she walked. It was hard not to notice Debby.

Debby was big. But she was also quick. And in a school cafeteria she would be everywhere. In twenty minutes she seemed to make contact with every teacher and every student in the room.

Debby's unusual behavior brought her a lot of pain from her peers. And a lot of kids and adults told Debby to tone down her act. But she wouldn't do it. Debby could handle the teasing and the ridicule she received for her looks and her behavior. But she couldn't take being ignored.

The adults in the school always said there was no reason for Debby to dress like that or to act like that. It didn't make any sense. But many years later I did some counseling with Debby and she told me her story about growing up in a family where she was not noticed and not valued. Debby said she felt invisible in her family. She told me she tried to make up for this feeling by trying to be noticed by anybody and everybody.

After she told me her story I could understand how important it was for her to be noticed. And then her unusual choice of clothes and her strange behavior did make sense. Debby had made a very important adaptation for her own survival. Unfortunately, she had made all the wrong choices to meet her need for attention.

When I first began working with kids a lot of their behavior didn't make sense to me. I couldn't understand why these kids didn't dress like the rest of the kids or act like the rest of the kids. But as I began to work with the families of these kids I began to see how kids and adults have a need to survive. And under hostile living conditions people act a lot like the plants and the animals. They push their behavior to the extreme to try to survive.

Now when I see a kid exhibiting extreme dress or behavior I am not puzzled or scared. I have a pretty good idea that this is a reaction to a stressful environment. We know that kids and adults alike don't choose to live in a hostile environment. And that most people who live in this environment are sick and tired of people criticizing and punishing them. And they would welcome a helping hand that would help them change their environment.