SILENCE CAN BE SO POWERFULL

George McGurn

February 9, 2000

Silence is powerful. And sometimes silence can be very scary. Silence can be very frightening for a child within the family. When a parent gives a child a look and then doesn't talk for a long time the child has a long time to wonder what is going on. "Did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble? Am I going to be punished?" In some families there are a lot of looks from the parents and very few words. In those households silence produces a lot of tension and anxiety.

In other households there is an absence of silence. The TV is constantly blaring. The radio is on. And to be heard you have to be very loud. These households also produce a lot of tension and anxiety.

But silence can be so powerful in so many positive ways. In our day-to-day activities we are so driven into constant talking and doing. It seems that a successful day is determined by the amount you have talked and the amount you have done. But you lose points for being still and being quiet.

Gina and I spent two weeks in Florida last month. When we returned our friends wanted to know what we did. They seemed disappointed when we told them how much time we spent on the beach walking and watching and just hanging out.

We were in a part of Florida called Pelican Bay. And the pelicans dominated the seashore. They are big birds with big beaks. And they are so quiet. They can stand quietly for hours on end. They don't move very much. And they don't talk at all.

But they watch everything. They are constantly looking for food and are aware of all of the movements on the beach. I don't know how smart they are. But they looked pretty intelligent to me. Because they are not constantly sending out talk they seem to have more energy for taking in information they need to catch fish.

In Florida Gina and I spent some time sightseeing and doing some golf. But we really enjoyed our time on the beach. You might think Gina and I would get bored spending so much time on the beach for two weeks. But that wasn't the case. We seemed to enjoy the beach more every day. I think Gina and I were influenced by those pelicans. Because the more we observed the more we were able to notice. The beach went on for hundreds of miles. The sand was a beautiful white. The sky was so blue. And the sunsets so beautiful. And the birds. We spent a lot of time watching hundreds of birds. The pelicans were so interesting to watch. They hunted fish by flying over the water and then diving straight down into the water to spear fish.

The water was too cold for swimming. So there was very little activity on the beach; except the constant file of walkers who marched up and down the shore. And all the time on the beach there was a feeling of quiet. It was a great time for reflection. It was so easy to lie back and let the silence of the beach allow you to let go of the past.

Silence was not something I was always comfortable with. I remember as a beginning counselor how uncomfortable I felt when I was in the middle of a counseling session and there would be a period of silence. I would wait for someone to say something. And if no one said anything I would feel I had to say something-even if I didn't have anything relevant to say.

It took me a while before I was able to use the power of silence in counseling sessions. I began to see how the silence was like a time out. The silent period was a time when people could reflect and allow an issue to sink in. Or it was a time when a topic was completed and the silence provide a natural time to move on to another issue. Or it was a signal that the session was over.

In our family we raised three very active boys. But there was always plenty of quiet time in our house. Each boy had his own bedroom. And they frequently would get away from the busy household activities and spend some quiet time in their room-- sometimes on their own initiative and sometimes on mine.

When our boys were young we could take them anywhere. Our boys had the ability to sit quietly. They were very comfortable with sitting and with quiet times.

Now the boys have moved on and our house has become very quiet. I don't mind this new quiet time. I have always liked to observe. I have always liked to read. And I have always liked to reflect on what I have observed and have read.

I find that sometimes I need to discuss my ideas with others. But other times I need that special quiet time to reflect. I have always found that my most creative and productive times come in the early morning or in the late evening. That's when the day -to -day activities are at a minimum and my brain has a chance to clean out the residue and get at the important issues I've been thinking about.

Nowadays families are in constant motion. And the kids are in a perpetual state of movement. In school we also keep the kids busy and moving. Kids are constantly being bombarded with ideas and information.

They are constantly being taught new skills.

But if we want our children to get in touch with their creative and insightful sides they need to have time. Kids and adults need a quiet time for themselves each day where they can be still for a while so they can observe, think and reflect. I think we can learn a lot from our friend, the pelican.