We have been doing our parenting workshops again. And things have been going very well. But last week we focused on homework and this is such a tough issue to deal with When we deal with homework issues the parents usually get very upset and very confused. How much should the parent do? How much should the student do? How much should the teacher do? Who should take the final responsibility for the homework?

Well, those are tough questions to answer. I have been in the middle of this issue for a long time. And just when we get a handle on the issue of homework the rules seem to change. Last year in our workshop we came up with three rules about homework: 1. Homework is assigned by a professional: the teacher. 2. Homework is completed by the student. 3. Homework is evaluated by a professional: the teacher.

Homework seems to become a major problem when we forget that the homework is a contract between the student and the teacher. And the student and the teacher are the only ones who really know the terms of the contract. Sometimes we forget that homework is a great way to encourage our children to become independent, responsible workers. And it’s so easy for concerned parents to get in the middle of the teacher and the student and take over the responsibility for the homework.

We know how important it is for the school and the home to work together. And we know that if the child knows the home and the school are working together they do very well in school.

Last week some parents in our workshops were really confused about how to cooperate with the teachers who wanted them to sign the homework papers. In our workshops we focus on encouraging our children to become independent workers and to take on the responsibility of their homework assignments.

But the parent felt that signing the homework papers seemed to indicate that the homework was the responsibility of the parents. Some parents felt that signing the papers was a lot like signing an IRS document. Their signature meant that the information on the document was complete and accurate and they could be held responsible for this information in a court of law.

These parents were really concerned about the signing of the homework so we took a lot of time in dealing with this issue. Teachers and parents usually agree that homework is the responsibility of the student. So we tried to come up with a way of signing the papers to show the child and the teacher that the parents are going to cooperate with the school. And we want to show our child that homework is very important. And most important, we want to encourage the child to take responsibility for the homework.

The first issue about signing homework papers involved when you should sign. Parents said if you waited until the assignment was completed it was too late to give them encouragement. So they decided that signing the paper before the kids began the assignment was the best time.

One parent suggested that in addition to just signing the paper you should write some encouraging words on the paper. You could write, "I hope you give it your best shot." Or, " I hope you do your very best." Or, "Go for it."

Other parents asked if would be better to sign on the top of the paper or the bottom of the paper. Parents felt that signing on the bottom indicated that the parents would take the final responsibility for the contents of the paper. And they wanted to remind the child that it was his responsibility. So they decided that signing the paper on the top would give the message that it was the child’s responsibility and the parents were respecting and trusting the child to complete this responsibility.

At the end of the workshop one of the parents said that she had her child sign the homework paper on the bottom of the page. She felt her signature and some encouraging words on the top of the paper showed her child that she felt the homework assignment was important. And his signature on the bottom of the paper showed that he was responsible for the assignment.

As adults we sometimes think that if we take responsibility for our child’s work it will make him amore successful worker. But if you take responsibility for your child’s homework, the papers may be a lot better for a while but your child’s ability to be a responsible, independent worker will suffer.

I remember a father I worked with years ago. He was so angry about his child’s inability to take responsibility for his homework. I remember him telling me, "I will get my kid to do his homework by himself—even if I have to sit down with him every night to do it."