His name is Rocky. And he is tough. He looks tough. He dresses tough. He talks tough. And he acts tough. It’s hard to believe that Rocky is only seven years old. Rocky doesn’t like to hang around with the kids in his first grade class. He thinks that these kids are babies. He likes to hang out with the older kids. He doesn’t like school too much. He says there are too many rules and too many people telling him what to do. He doesn’t like books and finds reading boring. He likes to be outside doing more exciting things with the older kids.

His parents don’t like books too much either so Rocky hasn’t had much experience with reading. Both of his parents work a lot so Rocky has learned to take care of himself. When he gets up in the morning both of his parents have already left for work so Rocky picks out his own clothes and finds something to eat for breakfast.

Rocky really loves his dog, Blackie. Blackie looks mean but Rocky knows how friendly Blackie can be. Blackie is a Pit Bull. And Dad told Rocky he shouldn’t have to worry about anyone bothering him as long as Blackie was around.

Rocky is a lot different from most of the kids in his first grade class. Rocky doesn’t have a book bag. He doesn’t have a back pack. He never had a bicycle helmet and never uses his seat belt in his father’s truck. He thinks seat belts are for sissies. Rocky likes to ride in the open back of the pick-up truck with Blackie.

Rocky’s teachers were surprised how Rocky was dressed on the first snowstorm of the year. Rocky wore his usual outfit. He wore sneakers. A light hockey jacket. Jeans. No hat. No belt. No gloves. Rocky is not afraid of a little snow.

Rocky has a hard time getting along with the teachers and especially the principal. He says they pick on him and are always yelling at him and blaming him for stuff. Rocky can’t wait until he can quit school and get a job. Rocky also has a hard time getting along with the kids in school. Most of the kids in his class are afraid of him so pretty much avoid him. The kids don’t invite Rock y to play in the games anymore because they say he won’t follow the rules and ruins the games. Poor Rocky. He just seems so out of place in school.

As a school counselor I worked with a lot of kids like Rocky. And once they are in your room and out of sight of their peer group they can be great kids to work with. To start with they generally are very lonely and unsuccessful in the school setting so are very appreciative of someone to support them. These kids have a tough time fitting into a school environment and to find success they usually need a special teacher or counselor or principal to reach out and care about them.

You would think that kids like Rocky would have a strong foundation because they have been taking care of them selves for a long time. But they don’t have all of the bricks of a strong foundation. Because they take care of themselves at home these kids are usually very independent. They can solve their own problems and make wise decisions about their day-to day life. They usually have a lot of courage and tend to be risk takers. They tend to be especially daring with physical activities like bike riding, running, jumping and other physical competitions. They are at their best with the art of pushing and shoving. Rocky and a lot of kids like him have to develop a hard shell around them to survive. This tough skin makes it hard for them to be sensitive, gentle, kind or caring.

Because these kids have to trust them selves to survive they have trouble trusting others. These kids have very little done for them at home by adults so they tend not to trust adults.. There are very few pictures of them in the home. No one is ever pointing a camcorder at them. Their parents usually don’t believe in birthday parties and because they are not accepted at school they don’t get invited to birthday parties. These kids usually are behind the other kids in social skills.

Because these kids wake up to an empty house each morning they begin to see that they are not valued as children. Sometimes, because of this powerful feeling of not being valued many of these kids will use their courage and self-confidence to try make up for their feeling of being undervalued by over -achieving or pretending to be successful. They may become successful in the business world. But unless they can overcome this awful feeling of not being valued they will have difficulty achieving happiness.

For kids to be successful and happy they must have all three of the building blocks of a strong foundation:

l. VALUE THEMSELVES.

2. HAVE COURAGE.

3. HAVE CONFIDENCE.

A healthy child must also have a balance between trusting himself and trusting others. A healthy child must have a balance between having consideration for himself and consideration for others.

I have talked a lot about getting kids to do for themselves. But in order to value themselves kids also need caring adults to give to them.