I was telling a story in one of my parenting workshops about a lady who was a perfectionist. She had to be perfect in everything she did. And luckily she had the talent to achieve at a very high level. But as she got older she felt the need to try some new activities. But because of all the time she had to spend on her activities to make them perfect she had no spare time. And she knew if she started a new activity she would have to put the same amount of time into it to do it to perfection.

She said that her life was governed by a sign that was hung in her house when she was growing up. The sign read, "If something is worth doing—it is worth doing well." And anytime she thought about taking on a new interest or activity, that sign reminded her that she would have to be perfect in any new activity she took on. So she had to let so many interesting projects and adventures slip by.

But one day she took a look at her life and decided that she didn’t have much time left. So she took the sign down. And then she felt that she had permission to take on some new and exciting activities. And she made a conscious effort to decide on how much energy she would put into each new activity. She decided that some activities she would put a lot of energy into. Some she would put a little into. And some she would just piddle around.

And she said that taking down that sign changed her life so much. It took so much pressure off her to achieve. And it allowed her to enrich her life with new activities that had no pressure connected to them.

Later she said she painted a new sign. This sign read, "Some things are worth doing well—but with other things it’s OK to just piddle around."

I noticed that many of the parents in the classroom were looking a little nervous about this story. One parent then told the class about her son who had signed up for little league baseball but after a few weeks of baseball he wanted to quit. He said he didn’t like the coach. He didn’t like the teammates. And he was sick of baseball. The parent was asking the class if it would be OK for her son to just quit.

Most of the parents said he shouldn’t be allowed to quit. The boy had made a commitment to the coach, his teammates and also to himself. And he should honor that commitment. And if he quits the team now he would become a quitter in other things.

This issue was heating up in the classroom. And the parents wanted some direction on this tough issue. I then asked the parent if she signed up for a 15 week class in creative oil painting and after a few weeks hated the instructor, hated the people in the class and was sick of oil painting would she quit or grind out the 15 weeks.

She really had a tough time deciding. But she finally said she would stick with the oil painting program because she had signed up in good faith and would stick to her commitment.

At this point we began to hear a different point of view from some other parents. Some of the parents said that they only had time for one fun activity during the week. And if that activity stopped being fun for them they would quit and find another activity.

Well, time was running out in the workshop and we never did reach an agreement on this issue. But I did have time to tell the parents about the horror stories I heard from parents wrestling with their kids twice a week trying to get them into the car to take them to their trumpet lesson or to their gymnastics class that the kids hated.

Is it really worth the hassle? What are the kids getting from attending an activity they hate? Kids need to have an activity during the week. And kids need to stay in that activity a reasonable amount of time to see if they like it. But sometimes a child and a particular activity are not a good match. And then the child needs to find another activity that suits his needs. Luckily, most communities have many other activities to choose from.

Many parents enroll their kids in social activities and sports programs to build their self esteem. But if the child doesn’t have the skill or the desire to do well in that activity there will be no self esteem building.

It’s so important to get the kids into an activity that they are comfortable in. Some kids are ready for competitive activities. And they do very well with team sports. But other kids need a non-competitive activity where they can just piddle around at their own pace without any pressure.

Kids need to learn to honor their commitments. They need to honor their commitment to their chores at home and to their academic activities at school. But their social activities should be for fun.

Parents worry a lot about kids letting down a coach or a teacher. But twenty years from now if your child needs to see a counselor he won’t be telling the counselor about a conflict he had with his coach or his teacher. He will be telling the counselor about some pain connected to a conflict with his parents.

The parent-child relationship is too important to allow a social activity to damage it.