December 12, 2001
I recently came across two
thoughts that were very similar and they got me to thinking. One was, “We are all born as originals. But why do so many of us live our lives as
copies of someone else?” The other was
about a person who struggled all his life to reach his dreams. But when he
finally arrived there, he was very
disappointed. He then realized that the
dreams he had finally accomplished were not the ones that came from inside him
. His dreams had been diluted and
reshaped by so many external influences.
And he was left disillusioned and disappointed by this empty success.
Those two thoughts got me to thinking of the different ways
I influenced the dreams of my three sons.
I remember how much I reshaped the dreams of my oldest son, Ross. When he was young he would come to me with an idea. I
always wanted to make his idea even better so I gave him a lot of helpful
advice.
He would come to me and say, “Dad, I think I want to head south. And I would get a map and show him a route that would be easier to get to and far
less expensive. And he would end up
going southwest instead of south. But I’m
afraid when he reached the final destination he was probably disappointed
because that’s not where he originally wanted to go. His original dreams and been changed by my own personal agenda
for him.
I got a little better with my second son, Brian. When he came to me with an idea that he
wanted to head north I would listen to his original ideas a little more and
respect the direction he wanted to travel.
But I had to remind him how cold it was there and give him a list of
what he needed to take with him. And
when he reached his destination he was probably happy to be there because that’s
where he originally wanted to go. But he
probably felt burdened by all the things I insisted he had to carry with him.
When my third son, Kevin, came to me with an idea I had a very
different approach. He would say to me,
“Dad, I think I want to head west.” And
I would think a little about how I handled Ross and Brian, and then I would
close my eyes and cross my fingers and say, “Go for it.” And I think that Kevin found a lot of
satisfaction ending up in the destination of his choice instead of feeling he
had lost his original dream.
By allowing Kevin to take more responsibility for the
direction in his life, it took some of the responsibility off my shoulders but I
don’t think it diminished the anxiety I felt when he took off on one of his
ideas with his own plans
I really admire people who have been able to hold on to their
special dreams and spend their lives following their dreams. I suppose not many of those people will ever
reach their destination. But these people
usually have a special passion and enthusiasm as they go thru life holding on
to their personal quest.
Well, what’s a
parent to do when a child tells you about his dreams? How much advice should you give him? When should you just close your eyes and cross your fingers? When
should you tell him to “be careful?” When
should you tell him to “go for it?” Those
are not easy decisions for a parent to make.
When I was a young kid in a family of eight children I remember
getting the chance to make a lot of decisions in my life. And a few months ago I was talking with my
90 year-old mother about writing a family history. I should have known what she would say. She simply looked at me and said, “I think you could do that
really well.”
I guess when I was a kid I must
have heard that “go for it” message a lot.