LET'S GET ORGANIZED

George McGurn

March 21, 1999

When I worked in the schools I was always amazed that some kids knew everything about their family and some kids knew so very little. Some 2nd grade kids didn't know where their parents worked. They didn't know the age of their parents. They didn't know the birthdays of the family members. They had no idea about holidays that were coming up. They just didn't know much about their own family.

A technique that we use in the Parenting Workshops to help kids learn about their family is the Sunday night family meeting. At the meeting the family members bring their monthly calendar that includes their schedule for the upcoming week. One of the parents acts as the leader and goes over the schedule of each child.

"What is your schedule for next week? Tuesday you have scouts. Do you need a ride? OK. I will take care of the ride. And I'll put it in my calendar. Do you need your uniform washed? OK. I will make a note to take care of that. Do you have anything else?' The parent goes over the schedule of all the kids checking on their social activities, their medical appointments and any other meetings.

The calendar for each child should include their social activities, practices and games. The calendar is a great place to put down all birthdays for the family with the age included. It should include any major school projects. It should include "no school" days and holidays. It should also include any medical appointments.

Some parents like to protect their children from stress so don't tell them in advance about doctor appointments or dental appointments. On the day of Kevin's dentist appointment mom picks up her child and heads for the dentist office. When Kevin asks why they are going home a different way. Mom tells her child that she didn't want to get him upset by telling him last week, but today he is going to have a "root canal" done.

Kids get upset when find out they are going to have a "root canal" done. Then should be upset. But they need time to think about it and to talk about it. When they put it down in their monthly calendar it reminds them of what is coming up and gives the child and the other family members time to prepare for the unpleasant experience.

When the kids have completed their calendar for the up-coming week the parents also go over their own schedule for the week. "I'll be working late on Monday so you guys will have to get creative about supper. I see we have a birthday coming up next Friday so we need to talk about that."

When all of the family members have discussed their weekly schedules, one of the parents makes a combined family schedule and posts it where it can be seen by everyone. Then, during the week the kids are reminded about what is going to be happening in their family that week.

And when dad goes over his schedule he tells the kids that he is going to need some help on Saturday morning to get the yard cleaned up and to rake some leaves. So they need to put that in their calendar. When the kids groan and protest about this chore he reminds them that the parents have agreed to driving them to their activities and providing them with clean uniforms. And that they will also be expected to cooperate by pitching in with the yard work.

The kids need to do their part, because the rule in this family is, "If you cooperate with me I will cooperate with you. And if you don't cooperate with me I will not cooperate with you."

A lot of parents seem to feel that they are responsible for all the work done in the family. And they expect very little cooperation from their children. Effective parents see the family as a cooperative team where every family member makes a very important contribution to the family. And when kids contribute to the family parents can honestly say, "Wow, this yard looks great and because you guys pitched in, it only took us 2 hours to clean it up. Thanks a lot for your help."

By the way. I have good news for those of you who were concerned about my 3 year-old grandson, Kyle Henry, and his spelling of the EXIT sign. Ross and Kristin told me that this week he has " noticed" all of the EXIT signs on the highway and he has been noticing, spelling and even counting the sequence of the EXIT signs from the car. And sometimes he spells the sign," E X one T." But most of the time he spells it, " E X I T."