JESSICA: OUR BEAUTIFUL GRANDDAUGHTER

George McGurn

May 26, 1999

Jess was our first grandchild. I remember Brian's excited call saying that Sue had the baby and it was a girl. Gina and I jumped into our car and immediately headed for Worcester. When we entered the hospital room I remember seeing a lot of people crowding around the hospital bed. I remember a lot of smiling faces and 2 camcorders recording every move of the baby. My camcorder brought the number to 3.

Jess was tiny. But that little face seemed to have a special glow. I remember holding her for the first time and thinking she felt more like a doll than a real baby. But after a few months she was cooing and gooing. And then after a few more months she was crawling around the floor with a great big smile on her face.

That's when Jess and I began to get close. I used to take Jess out for walks in the wooded neighborhood in her carriage. She loved animals. And we would make a point of listening to the birds as they flew about the trees. There were also tons of busy squirrels running about the neighborhood. And she enjoyed watching them also. But Jess really loved the dogs. So we would visit all the dogs on the street. If they were tied up we would take the carriage right over to them and visit with them.

This was the time that I had just retired from working in the schools so I had plenty of time. And we had such great leisurely strolls through the neighborhood. We had no destination and no time schedule. We just wandered around hanging out with birds, dogs, cats and with people. We didn't talk very much. But we sure had a great time.

When Jess came to visit we also spent a lot of time together. She had to sit next to me at the table and we loved to share our food.. While the adults were having coffee Jess and I would head outside. We would feed the birds and do a little garden work together. Then we might go off on a trip to pet store or farm where we could pet the animals.

I used to call on the phone a lot. And when I called I could hear Jess's voice saying, "Is that Grampa? I have to talk with him." Then when Jess and I had finished talking and she would start her silly talk I would ask her if her dad was in the living room. She would say, "Yes, he is. But I'm not going to get him. You have to talk with me."

Well, that's how close Jess and I were for 5 years. But as soon as she went to kindergarten things between us changed dramatically. After she was 5 years old I remember calling Brian and asking for Jess. Brian would call to Jess and ask if she wanted to talk with me. Sometimes she did. And sometimes she was too busy playing with her school friends. Too busy for her Grampa? I couldn't believe it.

A few weeks ago Gina and I watched Jess compete in a gymnastics meet. After the meet we went with a group of parents and kids for lunch. During lunch Jess was not sitting beside me. She was not sharing food with me. She was not even talking with me. She was over in a corner with a group of 8 year old friends. She was laughing and giggling and having a great time.

And that's the way it has been between Jess and me for the last few years. She is almost 8 now. She is in the 2nd grade. And she is really busy. She has school. She has gymnastics. She has dance. She has soccer. And she has tons of 8 year old friends.

And she doesn't need her Grampa the same way she needed me when she was younger. She doesn't need to be in my lap. She is too heavy for me to pick up now. And we don't need to do the silly baby stuff anymore.

But she still needs her Grampa in a very different way. I used to be her best friend. But now she has 8 year old friends she needs to be close to. As she grows I need to grow also. As she changes I need to change also. I need to remind myself that Jess is not a baby anymore. I need to talk to her as an 8 year old. I need to change the way I demonstrate my affection to her. I need to change my expectations of her. Now she can do so much for herself and I need to encourage her 8 year old independence.

As parents and grandparents we sometimes get stuck in the way we relate to our children and grandchildren. Sometimes we hold on to our old ways too long. And sometimes this interferes with the natural growth of our children. Each day a child grows. Each day a child changes. Effective parents and grandparents are aware of this natural process. And effective parents and grandparents accept this change and try to grow and change with their children.