Hope:  Is There Any for My Child

I remember stopping at a gas station on my way to work on the first day of school one year. The attendant was a young guy who was very chatty and very friendly. He asked me where I was going and when I told him I was going to work at the Hood Elementary School as a School Counselor he was very interested.

He told me he had a lot of experience with counselors over the last three years. He then told me his sad story of getting involved in drugs and three years of misery with hospitals, drug rehabilitation and half-way houses. He talked about three wasted years in his life and the heartache he had caused his family. He talked about hanging out with the wrong crowd, making dumb decisions and doing a lot of stupid, irresponsible things with his life.

But he told me he was OK now and was in pretty good shape. When I asked him how got through drugs he said his family pulled him through. He said that his parents never gave up on him. Even when he gave up on himself his parents were right there giving him hope.

He said he didn’t think he could have gotten through the drugs by himself. He talked about the counselors being helpful. But he said that his parents not giving up on him was the most important part of his turnaround.

This story really got me up for the coming year at school. It reminded me of the importance of the family. It reminded me also of the tremendous power and influence that caring parents have on their children.

When discouraged parents ask me if there is any hope for their child I ask them two questions. I ask them if the child is breathing. And I tell them I have had no success with children who were not breathing. Then I ask the parents if they care about their child. If the child is still breathing and the parents care about their child the prognosis for success if very high.

Most of the parents I have worked with cared about their children. But many of these same parents needed help to show and demonstrate their caring to their children.

It amazes me to think of how many times I have sat in a counseling room with a child and a caring parent and stumbled through a counseling session not knowing what the real issues were and not having a direction for the session. But fortunately I had the patience to allow the caring between the parent and the child provide the healing needed in the relationship.

When a child feels cared for by his parents that child tends to get better. When a parent feels cared for by the child the parent is usually motivated to continue to give. When parents also becomes aware of the power of caring for their child they usually are very happy to continue giving to the child.

But being a full-time parent over a long period of time means that some days you will not be matched to your child. Some days it will be hard to feel close to your child. Some days it will be hard to be around your child. Some days it will be hard to see anything positive in your child. Even, some days it will be hard to like your child.

These are the times when you need to close your eyes, cross your fingers and hope that this passes quickly.

I have never forgotten the story of the young man at the gas station. As long as you care about your child and can demonstrate that caring and as long as you maintain HOPE for your child things will get better.