Giving of Yourself

Christmas, 1998

This is the time of year when we start thinking about sending cards and gifts to people we care about as a demonstration of our caring for them. The Greeting Card industry has become such a big business with cards costing up to$l0.00 per card "to show we really care." When we send a card what we put on the inside of the card says a lot about ourselves. We have several choices. We can pick out an expensive card with a beautiful picture and beautiful printed words to express our feelings. And to top it off we can include money or a check. Some kids are so used to the money and the check routine that they never read the card but shake the card to see how much the sender really cares. The more money—the more the caring. If Uncle Eddie sends $20.00 does that mean he cares more than Aunt Shirley who sends only $l0.00?

When we send a card we have the choice of just including the printed words and our signature. We can send the money or the check. Or we can take the time to write a personal note. Of these choices which do you think best expresses our personal feelings? Of those choices which would you prefer to receive from someone you care about? I always enjoy receiving a card from someone who has taken the time to write something personal to me. I love it when the message is done with wit, humor and caring.

Sadly, a lot of kids are not aware of their personal power to make others feel special. They are used to their parents either writing cards for them or buying gifts for them that are sent to friends and relatives with their name on them. The kids have not picked out the gift, they have not paid for it and they have not wrapped it. These kids have also have missed out on the joy of giving.

When I worked in the schools as a counselor, Linda Kirmes, one of our second grade teachers, used to invite me into her classroom before special days to talk with her students about "giving of yourself." Before Christmas I would ask the kids how they felt about their parents and their siblings and why they felt that way. Then I would ask them what they were going to do to show their family members how they felt. A lot of the kids would say that their parents were going to take them to the Mall and buy presents they could give to their family. So many of these students had never experienced the feeling of " giving of themselves."

One of my favorite topics for these kids was how to give a present "that you can’t put in a box." We talked about giving directly from "your heart to their heart" with no adult interference. Most of the kids were very receptive to this new kind of giving. After a class discussion the kids would give suggestions like creating their own card and writing something special on it or giving an "I. O. U. " for a chore or special favor to be performed. Some kids promised to clean their room for a day or not to bother their kid brother for a day. Other kids were very clever at using inexpensive materials found in their homes to create personal gifts.

A parent of a second grade student once told me that one of the greatest gifts she had ever received came on a morning when she was down with the flu and was resting on the couch when her 8 year old daughter brought her a hot cup of soup, a home-made sandwich and a nice, warm hug. When kids see the powerful effect that giving of themselves has on people they can begin to appreciate how important and how valued they are as individuals—even without money or without a check.