GIFTS FOR THE BIRTHDAY BOY

George McGurn

July 7, l999

Well, Ross and Kristen's youngest turned 2 last week. And "Danny" had a great birthday party. In the morning he had his neighbors over. And in the afternoon his family gathered to celebrate the occasion. And the gifts. The neighbors and the family outdid themselves. Danny had a mound of gifts. He had clothes. He had toys. He had books. He had the works.

His older brother, "Matt," did most of the unwrapping. And then his parents put the gifts away in the house. Danny seemed to enjoy the unwrapping and the anticipation of the next gift. But he didn't show much interest in the actual gifts. As the birthday party wound down the adults headed inside the house and Danny and I kind of hung out on the back lawn. Then Danny noticed a really big gift box that had contained a toy wheelbarrow and some other toy garden tools.

We wandered over to the big box and found that it was half full of Styrofoam circles. Danny leaned in and began to play with the circles. Then he climbed over the side of the box and fell in. Danny thought this was really funny. Now that he was inside the box he began to throw the circles out side the box. Two year olds know the rule. What is up has to come down. What is in has to go out. Danny started to get into the game now.

He started to throw the circles in the air and had them fall on his head. Then I began throwing more circles in the air and pretended that it was snowing. Danny loved it. Then Danny found out that he could bury his foot and started playing peek a boo with his foot. Then he found that he could bury his head under the circles and began to play a real game of peek a boo with me.

Danny was really having fun. He started to lean over the side of the box and found he could slide out of the box and onto the lawn. And he did in and out for about 30 minutes with a lot of screaming and laughing.

Well, Danny looked at the wheelbarrow and the tools that came in the box for about 30 seconds. And he played with that old empty box for about 60 minutes.

It happens so often that we spend so much time and money picking out just the right present for a young child and the child gets much more pleasure from the box than the present. Well, The next time you're picking out a present for a 2 year old child you need to be concerned about the type of present. But the child will appreciate the present a lot more if you put it in a huge box with plenty of Styrofoam to play in.

A few years ago I was leading a Parenting Workshop in North Reading where a very insightful father told our class about his 6 year old son, Robby, being invited to a birthday party. Robby was really excited about the party.

And Dad said that since he had been attending the Parenting Workshop he had been trying really hard to listen to his son. So Dad picked up on Robby's excitement and told Robby he would take him to the mall later and they would buy the birthday-boy a present. But Robby told his Dad he wouldn't need to buy a present because he already had one for his friend. He told Dad, "Every time Mark comes to play with me he always plays with my old red truck. So I am going to give him the red truck for a present."

Dad was aware of trying to make this a special day for his son. So he told Robby that friends don't give "junk gifts" for a birthday present. And they would buy Mark a truck that was really nice and new. But then Dad thought again about listening to his son. And Dad began to see how the old red truck could be a

gift that Mark might really appreciate.

On the day of the birthday party Robby wrapped some ribbon around his old red truck and even included his own hand-written card. At the party when it was time to open the birthday presents Mark unwrapped so many new, shiny and very expensive gifts. But I think Mark knew that Robby's old red truck was a special gift. Because the old red truck was a gift direct from his friend. And not from the parents of his friend.

How do you think Mark felt receiving the old red truck as a gift? How do you think Robby felt giving his old red truck to Mark?

Too often as parents we forget to listen to our children. And too often we take over their activity. We buy the gift. We wrap the gift. And we even write the card. But kids are smart. They know when they are getting a gift from an adult. And they know when they are getting a gift directly from another kid.

Kids feel great when they receive gifts. But kids also feel great when they are allowed to give of themselves to another person.