BIRTH: THE JOY OF BIRTH

George McGurn

August 14, 1999

Two major events in our lives are birth and death. Ross and Kristen have experienced both birth and death in their family recently. While conception is tough to describe to children, it is pretty easy for kids to understand the process of birth and the feelings that surround birth.

Two weeks ago Ross and Kristen had a new baby. When Kristen's belly began to get big she and Ross told their boys about the new baby coming. Matt is 4 and Danny is 2. Matt is very observant and very curious. Matt began to ask questions about Kristen's appointments with the doctor. He wanted to know if she was sick. He also noticed the big belly and was concerned about Kristen's health.

Matt had a lot of questions and for a while he was very enthusiastic about the possibility of having a new brother or a new sister. But as the months wore on there was too much talk about the new baby and too many disruptions in the family schedule. For a while Matt got a little fed up with so much attention going to this new baby. Matt also got a little tired of being asked the same old questions: "Do you want a brother or a sister? If the baby is a boy what name would you like to call him? If the baby is a girl what name would you like to call her?"

Matt started closing off discussion about the new baby by saying that if the baby was a boy he would call him pickles. And if the baby was a girl he would call her toilet. People usually stopped asking him questions after that.

In the family it was so obvious that something big was happening. The evidence was everywhere. And the two boys could see for themselves what the birth of a new baby was all about. New clothes began to appear. A new crib was put in Danny's old room. There was talk about Danny moving in with Matt. Mom seemed to be on the phone a lot more.

A few months later more hard evidence about birth began to appear. Mom posted the first ultra sound pictures of the new baby on the fridge. A few months after that the boys were able to feel the movement of the new baby in mom's belly. There was no denying it now. A new baby was on the way. And it was going to change the lives of everyone in the family.

Danny is 2 years old. And he seems to be very affectionate toward mom and the new baby. He likes to touch mom's belly and then kiss mom's belly. He doesn't seem to be aware of the changes to come. And he doesn't seem to be concerned about what is going to happen when the baby comes.

Matt is 4. And Matt has been thru this before. He is well aware of the effect this new baby will have on him and his family. He has a lot of concerns. And because he is so verbal, he has a lot of questions.

Ross seems to be doing very well with this new baby coming. His work schedule has changed so he is going to be able to stay home for a while. And Kristen seems really up and positive as the time grows near.

Well, the baby is here. It's a girl. Her name is Sarah. She is very healthy. She weighs 7 pounds and 13 ounces. She is 21 inches long. And she is going to be part of the family forever.

Gina and I were in the hospital room when Matt and Danny first met their new baby sister. They were both very curious and wanted to touch the baby. But the baby spent most of her time sleeping or feeding and gave no reaction to the touches of the boys. So the boys wandered off and attended to their gifts in the room from baby Sarah.

When the boys came home from the hospital Kristen's mom was there and the house was very different. There was a big pink balloon flying from the outside light. The phone kept ringing. Ross kept telling the same story on the phone. And the neighbors kept dropping in with cards and gifts for the new baby.

And the tone and the feelings in the house were so upbeat. Everybody was happy. People were smiling and hugging and asking the same old questions: " Boy or girl? What's her name? How much does she weigh. How are they both doing?"

Well, Danny was too young to know what would be happening as the baby got older but I think Matt was beginning to remember the pattern when Danny was born. At first the baby is not a big problem for the older kid.

But after a while the baby begins to smile. And people begin to make faces and smile back. Then the baby begins to move around and get into your stuff. Then the baby begins to get into your way. And if you push the baby you really get it from your parents. And then the baby is not really a baby anymore. The baby will became a sister and that means competition. That means more waiting. And more sharing.

But Danny and I are friends now. We get along most of the time. And we can play together pretty well. So I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things go with Sarah in the house.

Birth is visible. Birth is usually happy. Birth is our future. Kids can understand birth.

Next week we will take a look at how the death of a family pet affects a family.