ADULT WORRIES MAKE FOR NERVOUS KIDS

April 19, 2000

When I worked in the schools I remember Laurie. She was in the 3rd grade. And she knocked on the door of my counseling room and asked me if I was the problem man. She said that she told her teacher she had a big problem. The teacher told Laurie that I was the problem man. And the teacher told her to go down to the counseling room and talk with me about her problem. I made an appointment to see Laurie later that day. And she proceeded to tell me about her big problem.

She told me that they had a new baby at home and the baby had been very sick. The baby had a very high temperature and they couldn't get the temperature down. They had taken the baby to the doctor and were giving the baby the medicine. But the fever kept coming back. And Laurie didn't know what she should do.

Laurie was very serious about her problem. And she was very worried. And she was way over her head. I asked Laurie how old she was. She said she was almost 9 years old. I asked her if she thought this problem with the baby was something a 9 year-old could take care of. And she said she didn't know. She said that her mother was also worried about the baby. And they were both worried that something was going to happen to the baby if someone didn't get the fever down.

Laurie and I talked a lot about the differences between adult responsibility and the responsibility of a 9- year- old. We talked about her being responsible for her schoolwork, her chores at home and her social activities. And we talked about her parents being responsible for the baby. We clarified her role as a helper with the baby. But the responsibility for taking care of a baby was way too much for a 9 year-old child.

Laurie didn't seem to be very convinced after our conversation so I called her home and talked with her Mom about the issue. Mom and I then made an appointment to get together to discuss Laurie's role in the family. But it was Dad who showed up for the appointment. Dad was a great dad. He loved his family. And he was a very involved parent. But Dad was from the "old school" where he felt that he was in charge of his family. And he made the decisions about family matters. And his wife and children respected his decisions.

When I told Dad how much responsibility Laurie was taking for the baby, Dad became upset. He was very concerned about Laurie. And he wanted to straighten out the problem right away. After Dad and I talked a while we decided to have Laurie join us in the room. Dad was great. He spelled out Laurie's role as a helper with the baby. And he told her that the responsibility for the baby was with the parents and not with her. I could see that Laurie trusted her dad. She really listened to him and she seemed so relieved when he told her that the baby was not her job.

I have worked with a lot of kids in school who couldn't concentrate on schoolwork because they were too involved with adult responsibility at home. I have seen a lot of parents take their children into their confidence and discuss adult issues with them. And I have seen a lot of kids in our school who began to act like an adult and to think like an adult. Some of the parents were very proud that they had "mature" kids.

But kids who are exposed to too many adult issues pay a price. They usually get very nervous and spend too much of their time and energy wrestling with issues they don't have the ability to deal with. And as a result they have very little energy to take care of their own age appropriate responsibilities.

Laurie was fortunate that she had a dad who was able to help her put down an impossible adult role and just focus on her appropriate 9 year- old responsibilities with her chores at home, her school responsibilities and her social activities.