KEVIN'S ACCIDENT: A PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE

George McGurn

October 6, 1999

When our third son, Kevin, was 15 years old he and some of his friends were involved in a car accident . It began with a call from the emergency room at Beverly Hospital. We got the message that Kevin had been involved in a car accident and was in the emergency room receiving treatment.

My wife and I were really upset about the call. But when we got to the emergency room we were relieved to see that his buddies who were in the car with him were walking around the room unhurt. Our relief didn't last very long because we were quickly taken into another part of the emergency room where Kevin was being attended to by some nurses.

Kevin was lying in a bed. He was unconscious. His head was bandaged. And we could hardly recognize him. I could see that the nurses were really looking serious . I couldn't believe what I was looking at. Kevin was in very bad shape. Then a nurse told us that Kevin had received serious head trauma and they were waiting for the neurosurgeon on call to attend to him.

It seemed like forever before the surgeon arrived and took Kevin into the operating room. We were then informed that Kevin had suffered serious head trauma and was in need of immediate surgery. Gina and I waited most of the night while the surgeon performed the operation. And then about 6:00 in the morning Dr. Paly came down to inform us that he had removed some blood clots from Kevin's brain and that he should come thru the ordeal OK-whatever that meant.

Word gets around quickly in a community when a teenager is involved. And the phone began to ring in our house. At first I didn't want to talk to my friends and relatives who called to find out about Kevin. But I found out that telling and retelling the story really helped me. Most of the callers simply asked what happened to Kevin. And I simply told them the story.

During our crisis the callers who were helpful were the ones who could listen to the story and then acknowledge the terrible feelings we were feeling.

Gina and I found that we had a lot of time on our hands during this crisis. And unfortunately, we had time to discuss the possible long-term consequences of the head trauma. And some of the consequences were pretty grim.

When Kevin came out of his coma he began to realize what was going on around him. He could feel the anxiety of the people around him. And he was terrified. He didn't want Gina and me to leave him. We did leave him for the first few nights. But by the 3rd night we could see that Kevin was not going to heal unless he had one of us with him. So Gina decided to spend the nights in his room sleeping in a chair. And I spent much of the day time just sitting in a chair making sure he knew one of us was there with him. Once Kevin had one of us with him most of the day and night he really began to bounce back.

After a few weeks Kevin came home from the hospital. And I went back to work. And then I began to get some disturbing comments from people. People began to tell me how lucky I really was. When I heard that I would usually just nod and move on. But when I got home I would take a look at my feelings. I was so fearful about the future for our son. Would he be able to function intellectually? How much of his sight and his hearing would he lose? Would he be able to return to school? Would he fit into his social group?

I was aware of my disappointment and my anger. Why had this happened to this great kid who was so kind and so caring? It just wasn't fair. And when people told me that I was lucky it just added to my frustration. I felt like the most unlucky of all the parents in the world.

It seemed like so many people tried to be helpful to me and my wife. And I guess some people thought they could help by being positive. But when they told me I was so lucky and that things could have been a lot worse -I felt a lot worse.

Some people told me that Kevin was very fortunate. Then they would tell me a story of a person they knew who ended up in much worse shape than Kevin. Those stories didn't help either. Some of the stories really scared me. Because Kevin was not out of the woods yet. And he was still vulnerable to some of the medical disasters they were talking about.

I will never forget the cards. They were so helpful. We looked forward to the mailman for a long time. For a while Kevin didn't make much contact with the outside world. And those cards showed that he was missed and not forgotten.

Well, Kevin is now 32 years old. He has a few minor dents. But all in all he is just fine. And two major reasons that he is just fine is that he is a very courageous kid and he received so much caring from so many people in the community.